Soooo….

So I’m sitting in a law library reading up on…law stuff because in case you didn’t know that’s what I was trained to do so many moons ago in good ol univerisity. Anyway it hit me that I hadn’t blogged in awhile. Ok I lie, it didn’t just hit me. I attempted to write in my journal but my venting on white pages seemed less rewarding. Then I remembered my blog. Much neglected blog but mine nonetheless. To be honest I don’t have time to blog but in a devil may care, f*ck it kind of way I am throwing caution and my work productivity to the wind and blogging about my feelings.

I really have only myself to blame. I could have side eyed every single last person who has irked me this week  and kept it moving with a two finger salute as my parting gift. However being female and being me I fell into the “thinking mode”. Every man will tell you that when a woman is in “thinking mode”  this can not bode well for him and any ties he has to that female. My father and my brother are very aware of this fact and tend to be scarce when I’m in my “thinking mode”. Females in “thinking mode” dedicate their time to re-assessing everything in their life. From friends to family to work, nobody and nothing is immune. This is when boyfriends are dumped, affairs are started, annoying family member and friends are called out, haircuts and new hair colour decisions are made and retail therapy happens.

It’s not that I’m particularly bitchy during my “thinking mode”,  it’s just that everything you say I will take and look at it from every angle to construe “what you really mean” because of course  “How are you?” on a “Thinking mode” day can not just be a simple question enquiring after your general well being. Oh no. My brain at this point is far too advanced for such trickery and shenanigans . I will listen for the tone, syntax and anything else that may be helpful. Did you ask it with some bass? I.e in a confrontational/aggressive  manner?  Or did you ask in a way that clearly infers that you are probing about a matter you already have heard mention of on the grapevine somewhere?

You could call this craziness, maybe a little paranoia *shrug*. I call this professional overflow. In the legal arena overthinking is what allows you to see past what someone  is telling you happened as opposed to what really happened. You look at non verbal communication and take into consideration every possibility your mind comes up. Then adding all the facts presented to you, surmise whether there in front of you stands a bullsh*t artist or a truth teller.  In the legal arena, my overthinking is what my employers or clients would call my “thorough analytical skills”. It is these very skills that when applied to a general overview of my life I noticed that something was up. Something seems very out of place. It’s like walking into a messy room and noticing the clear spot of carpet in the corner of the room and trying to figure out why that spot isn’t covered. What was there before? Did someone remove something?Was someone there before you? All you know is that strange things are afoot.

I don’t know from whence this feeling came but believe you me , I do know that for whatever reason I feel very uneasy right now. Overthinking be damned. Beanie Sigel and I can feel something in the air.

“My Spider senses is tinglin
Feel somethin, got my radars up
Somethin goin on, I feel funny cant tell me nothin different
my nose twitchin, intuition settin in like Steve-Vision
I still close my eyes, I still see visions
still hear that voice in the back of my mind
so what I do? I still take heed, I still listen”

I can’t put my finger on it just yet but I know there is something I’m missing. Like maybe I forgot to switch off the stove at home or left a tap running somewhere. Maybe I emailed something to someone that wasn’t meant to receive that piece of correspondence. Or something is happening or something is being planned in my absence that directly affects me. Or there is a traitor in the ranks. Either way I can feel it and I don’t want to be letting Trojan horses into my land of Troy (that sounds like a sexual innuendo but it isn’t) :-/.

I hear this voice in the back of my mind like Mack tighten up your circle
before they hurt you, read they body language
85% communication non-verbal, 85% swear they know you
10% you know they square, and the other 5 times they show you

Have you ever had that feeling? Where you know it’s not paranoia or overthinking but SOMETHING is up?  Whatever it is or  whoever it is, its messing up my soul feng shui and from past experience I have learned to NEVER ignore your intuition. Someone light a candle or open the door…I need a little light in here.

In other news:

• a group of students allegedly (because I don’t want to be sued) from Abia State University in Nigeria filmed themselves raping a girl  for over an hour and the people who seem to be doubting the story the most are the females? What type of self -hating females are these chicks? No really? Stupid comments like “It can’t be rape because she wasn’t screaming”. Have several seats.
• Troy Davis. I have never been an advocate for the death penalty. I prefer to see people who have committed wrongs to rot in jail and think about their wrong doings. Also in Davis’ case just in case the evidence is underwhelming and he could be innocent, it’s easier to release him and apologise  than to say “ooops we killed an innocent man”. You can’t bring a life back by taking another life, nor can you ask for a do over if you get the wrong guy.
• My country  (Zambia) is in the midst of election limbo. Can elections just go smoothly and a winner announced without foolery?

Advertisement