Every now and again I go on one of my rant’s and you all humour me (well I think you do) and it passes. It might be stuff that is linked to my life or other people’s lives but trust and believe it has been seen and must be spoken on. So without further delay’s…this LOVE business or to be specific, falling in love.
Love has been on my mind for the last two weeks because I have seen different variations of it or maybe I should say people’s interpretations of it played out in their relationships and to say I am confused is such an understatement that I can’t think of a comparison to adequately relay how confused I am. This confusion is a long time coming, it’s not like up until this time I haven’t been bamboozled by love’s rocky terrain, its just that I’ve been busy not thinking about it.
In the past two weeks I have seen the following interpretations or misinterpretations of love being played out:
I’ve seen the selfish/selfless love where one person gives everything and the other person takes all that is being given. Yet the “taker” does not stop there, with a cocky smile they still have the audacity to ask if they can scrape the mixing bowl and lick the spoon for the rest. It’s that love where you see the ride or die stands by their person regardless of the amount of buffoonery the other person will act out. Through it all the selfless person will either fast, pray, conjure up wicken spells etc just so that this relationship will continue to live when its clearly on life support.
I’ve seen the fairytale/unicorn love- Nothing seems wrong, everything is so perfect that Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel and them are trying to re-write their own stories because they pale in comparision. Whether or not this is the case, I do not know but from the outside looking in things look white picket fence perfect.
I’ve seen the dysfunctional love where love doesn’t even live there anymore and even Ike and Tina and Bobby and Whitney are holding vigils for people to see the light. In fact the house that love built has eviction notices telling the couple to get out before they burn with what’s left over of their broken down “straight for demolition” house. I feel like going up to this couple and saying, “Look you dont have to be alone but you have to get out of this two-some”
I’ve seen new love blossom. Its cute, promises made, kisses exchanged, plans set in motion and labels put out there. Boyfriend and girlfriend doing boyfriend and girlfriend things in and amongst their family, friend, work circles. Its adorable and it looks like the right time for the couple in question. I can even see the church bells.
Now Im not going to go through all the types of love because I don’t have the time but it got me thinking about how falling in love is the sneakiest experience EVER. Before you get into any type of relationship you don’t see it coming. It comes from nowhere. One day you just like someone. The next day you miss them. The next month you have that epiphany that you think of them way too much in one day for them to be just another person you know. Then before you know it they are part of your inner circle and often are the only person you feel like you want to know on certain days. Just before you start giving them the last piece of chicken you realise their annoying habits committed by anyone else would have you cutting ties and ignoring calls but with them its acceptable. its almost lovable. Be it 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years from then it hits you that …”oooh I love him/her”.
Falling in love…. sneaking into our lives since Romeo and Juliet were silly enough to unwittingly play out a murder-suicide…
Why can’t we “stand in love?” Or say I “walked into love”? Falling in love conjures up this image of someone walking along, going about their everyday business and all of a sudden they unwittingly, blindly fall off a cliff into the ravine that is love or down a pothole that is love. How is that a positive thing?
Personally I’m keeping an eye out for any love type feelings not because its happening or bound to happen to me but just because I’m not sure what love is anymore. People’s interpretations of it have me second guessing what I thought to be love. I don’t remember what it looks or feels like and the next time it happens I want to try catch it and watch it, just so I know for myself.
Somebody said to me that the trick to falling in love is that you fall at the same pace as the other person and you make sure you both view love in the same way. Or better yet understanding how the other person gives love. Some people will tell you “I love you”, others prefer to show you.There’s nothing worse than falling in love with someone who doesn’t see it the way you do. The expectations you have of each other are mismatched and soon miscommunication is the only communication you deal in. Eventually it all falls apart because you might have thought Love was everlasting and he/she thought it was for the moment.
**sharing is caring**
My experience with love is probably why I have to re-assess what it means to me. It seems I’m perpetually in unrequited love mode. Its either I am loved and I do not love back or I love and I am not loved back.
Tell me your thoughts on love and if you have it figured out, please share. Yes Super…I know you have an answer to this, ready to say how women view love in some warped way… 
lol.
Well, I think most people fall in love not walk into it. You might think, I could love this person, then the next moment, you are already loving them. And sometimes, you really like someone but there is no spark to push it into love. Then one day, you realize the love is actually staring you in the face all the while you just chose not to acknowledge it based on some idea of love that you have.
Some prefer to show their love through actions than words, is better than for someone to say “I love you” but their actions show differently. I have also heard that love is a decision. Everyone has their interpretation of what love is and as you said, it is better to find someone who has the same idea of love that you have.
Women tend to over estimate the meaning of love and I suppose, men tend to under estimate its worth. In my humble (people tend to listen when I use this word)observation women are natural lovers. They love by nature. So that’s not a problem. The problem is women cannot take rejection. If a woman’s love is not returned, abused or not given in surmountable measure, she reacts negatively-toxic enough.
She spites the man that does not return her love (unfriends and blokes him on FB), blinded blithely with the abuser of her love (FB friends with his mistresses)and over possessive with the one that returns her love (FB profile and every other photo of him on her page- silly status updates). All for fear of rejection.
Men are not great Lovers but because they handle rejection well, they have a healthy relationship with Love. Respect a man, for that is all he desires. If he is having sex with you then he is getting all the love he can handle.
“It seems I’m perpetually in unrequited love mode. Its either I am loved and I do not love back or I love and I am not loved back”
Goodness me too! But you know what someone said that’s been nagging at my subconscious for a long time now; something along the lines of “If your type never chooses you, you ought to change your type” And I’m like “but how?!”
“Tell me your thoughts on love”
For me, at it’s core, love is 1cor 13. On the outside – it’s dreamy and revitalizing and inspiring.
I think some folks nah not ‘folks’ some women over analyse everything including ‘falling in love’ and love itself…that then leads to some out of this world expectations. Infatuation, lust etc all become hazy and are often over-analysed and then confused for love.
I disagree with @Super regarding rejection – that generalisation of men taking rejection well is definitely wrong..men and rejection don’t go well!And a rejected men is so bitter and vile – same as a rejected woman.
*if he’s having s*x with you he’s getting all the love he can handle*??? seriously??I think Super said that just to get a reaction..
sometimes you fall at the same pace with the other person, you love and you are loved back. i think everyone should wait for that one… its just perfect
Shona, with regards to rejection obviously you miscontrue. On average men are rejected ten times more than women. Given the simple fact that men are more likely to approach a woman than a man. How many times, today, did you receive lewd, nefarious FB requests, email, or such romantic overtures? Similar statistics would not be equalled by a guy.
As for sex. (Provided of course it is good sex) I really mean it. In a relationship a guy is looking for respect in ranking order. Second is a capable mother for his children, third is a good masseuse (for his ego. Ego in the psychological sense), forth companionship and fifth if the sex is bad-love. This will ensure your perpetual bliss. Ask your mother.