As I sit here on another cold Sunday night (I wish warmer weather would get here quicker), there’s a few things going through my mind. That’s not unusual (I’m an over thinker of note). The main thing that has me continuously searching for answers is how to make a website as successful as it should be according to the expectations I have for it. Not that it hasn’t been going well, it has but due to my closeness to the issue I’m blinded by my anxiousness for it to be a success all the way. Like a typical African parent (because I view the site as a baby of sorts), I think its great that it got 70% but what about 80%? 90%? While we are here 100% is up for grabs too? As much as it is me having high expectations of an inanimate object, its also really underlying high expectations of self.
It is quite easy to get frustrated with your dream and this IS a part of my greater dream. I have expectations about how it should progress, perform and be received by others. Almost like my own child, I would want the great attributes to be shown and for people to either be completely in awe of those attributes or in love with them as much as I am. Just in case you think I don’t love the site, I must point out firmly that I love everything about Diasporan Darlings as if it were a tangible thing. I am proud of myself and Vimfromzim just for completing it from its brainchild beginnings during a hot summer and BBM chats to now where it has its own twitter and facebook page, we continue to accrue a number of contacts and have featured some really cool people. Not only that, but some of our best writing has come out of us during a time where we had a “bloggers block”.
Regardless of how many nights of sleep you forfeit (I’m writing a blog post at 1.20am, it takes me at least an actual hour to fall asleep and then I have work), or the amount of time you put in, if you still have love for what you are doing then you need to continue doing it even though frustrations will arise. TRUST frustrations will come from everywhere and have you doubting your sanity, your tenacity and dedication to something you have put in work for. It’s a very good thing that I have like minded people to talk to when these moments happen but aside from that I am reminded that I am already equipped to deal with the same problems I feel I am baffled by sometimes. It’s nothing new, maybe new in its form but the lesson stays the same.
I’m reminded of high school when I got my hair braided for the first time in single braids, back then my hair was long enough to plait without extensions so I hardly if ever got it braided. The school prom/dance was coming up and my mother had refused with the backing of my father to sponsor dress, shoes, transport etc for the night because they thought it was a frivolous expense and a useless event to attend. When I asked my mother where I was going to get money for the event, she replied ” ubucushi bulaslapukisha (hardship makes you alert), since you want to attend it so badly and its so important, you will find the money”. In an effort to cut down expenses I thought I would be clever and ask my mum for money to get my hair braided two weeks before the event because she would pay for thinking its just a random request for my upkeep. The next day I went to school and a couple of girls wanted to have the same style by the same hairdresser. Now we all know that a white girl and a black girl getting their hair braided are not subjected to the same braiding price. Knowing this and seeing the potential money maker for me, I called up my hairdresser after school and presented her with the following proposal: for every referral I would get 30%. She was charging $350 for each girl. There ended up being 8 girls wanting to get braided.
You do the math:
(30% of $350) x 8 = $840
Limo’s and prom dresses are not cheap people. At the time I was DYING to go to the dance with my friends it was my dream and the obstacle of finances was not going to stop me from attending. Fair enough I still had to convince my parents to let me go to a dance anyway but one hurdle at a time.
I guess the feel good Oprah message at the end of this post is that frustrations with your dream are inevitable as you strive to make it happen but it only means you have to work harder, hustle it, think outside the box and turn it around for you. I also think about how far my girl Funms has come from Lingerie quarterly sales events to online lingerie store and knowing the intricate details of how hard the journey has been in some parts, it bolsters my spirit and reminds me not to fret as much.
How about y’all is there a dream or dreams you are frustrated with and how do you handle it?
Everytime i get frustrated especially when there are so many challenges and i want to just quit, i remind myself of why i was motivated in the first place and why i decided to pursue that dream….usually helps
Don’t fret dear, nothing great ever came easy
I think that’s a good way to deal, going back to what made you start the project. I’ve been doing this a lot recently, reminding myself of the beginning of the dream. Thanks hun!
Nothing good comes easy. I took the challenge of being a well known author, and each day I hold on to that dream even with the daily distractions and frustrations. We’ll get there.
Thanks for your comment Myne and I love that you wrote “We’ll get there”, we really are all in it together!
when i am frustrated i try to remember why i started in the first place, helps push me on, ike funms and myne said, Nothing good comes easy, thats the truth right there
When I find myself becoming frustrated in the race to achieve the dream, I call on people I admire and choose to emulate to get a pick me up. The worst thing you can do is surround yourself with the “hmmm, I told you this would happen” crowd. Take a step back and see what you’ve accomplished thus far, give yourself a pat on the back, and move the next steps forward.
This is very true, the doom sayers are not the people to be around when you are down. i think its easy to be critical of yourself when you have high expectations and this often leads you to be blind to your achievements. Definitely taking a few steps back and seeing what my accomplishments are.
Additionally, nothing beats having a great support system to whine to and those who kick your butt when you start nagging or complaining……
I think you have to redefine what success is. The schooling system is corrupt for often its only the guy who crams (check the dictionary meaning of this word) that gets 100%. Often the guy who learns and questions is around 40-60%. Since he disagrees, at times vehemently, with the studied theory or practise. But, who indeed has learnt and likely to be successful later on beyond the exam?
Secondly, the world is littered with silly excuses for novels. Nothing more than words on paper. There was a time when a story had to have a strong plot. In this vain I suggest you pick up Hemingway and read about “the old man and the sea”. Therein lies what true success in life (not projects) is all about. If one can find that which they spend their whole fortune, efforts and reputation doing and at the end they lose everything would it still be worthwhile? Are they successful? The man who built Canary Wharf died bankrupt.
I try to pin up the goal, where I can see it and remind myself daily why I am doing what I have set out to do. Then I plan a special gift for myself when it’s completed. All the best.